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Awake to Night

candlenight

Awake to Night

I awake and it is still night.

When I slept my sleep was troubled.

Before I slept it was dark.

Now I awake and it is dark.

Inner dark.

Always inner dark.

Awareness of a subterranean world.

It can break into your daylight at any moment.

It sends you plunging.

I am a Christ-ian.

I am indwelled by the Christ the living God.

Where is my joy?

Where is my Christ-joy to expel the darkness.

The joyless darkness.

Where is my light?

Where is my Christ-light to expel the darkness.

The lightless darkness.

Where is my hope?

Where is my Christ-hope to expel the darkness.

The hopeless darkness.

Christ is here.

Christ is here.

Christ is within.

Where is my Christ-hope?

Christ is here yet I feel no joy or light or hope.

Yet he is here?

Where?

Where in the here?

Where is here?

What is he?

What is he here?

He is surely Christ who succumbed to darkness.

He is surely Christ who defeated darkness.

He is surely Christ who wept in darkness, bled in darkness.

Is that why I bleed?

Is that why my soul weeps?

Is that why I can find no respite?

Christ bleeds in the darkness.

Is this my hope?

Christ bleeds.

I bleed.

Therefore I hope?

Therefore I hope.

I am tormented.

He is tormented.

He carries my torment.

My torment is his torment.

He carries my torment.

What does this mean for me?

What does this mean for me in my torment?

What does this mean for me in my here?

He carries my torment…and redeems it?

I am redeemed in my torment?

I am redeemed through my torment?

I am redeemed.

Through darkness?

This is my story.

This is my song.

I am singing.

In my torment I am singing.

My song is of bleeding.

I have a song.

I have an inner song.

I am singing while my lips are silent.

I am singing while no sound is heard.

This is my song.

This is his song.

This is my song.

His song is my song.

Even in the darkness I am thinking of who he is, what he is, in the darkness.

In the darkness he is here with me and I am processing what this means for me for he is here with me, in the darkness with me.

In the darkness with me.

I can see him.

I can sense him.

He is here in the darkness with me.

He says not a word yet I can hear him.

I sense his thoughts though he is silent.

His mind is calm.

His mind is peace.

His mind is love.

It is okay.

It is alright.

I am in the darkness.

I am tormented.

It is alright.

All will be well.

This is my story.

This is my song.

When sorrows like sea billows roll. Whatever my lot he hath taught me to say, it is well it is well with my soul.

It is well it is well with my soul.

I have an anchor.

Though I sink I am anchored.

Though I weep he weeps too.

Though I despair his presence calms me.

I scream and he calms me.

I scream and he calms me.

He is hope but he dwells in darkness.

He has not brought me into light he has come to me in darkness.

If he dwells in darkness do I want to dwell in light?

Do I want to be where he is?

Do I want to be where he is if that means remaining in the darkness?

Remaining in the darkness for an indeterminate period of time?

Remaining in the darkness as long as he remains in the darkness and only moving when he moves.

How can I crave the light while he is in darkness.

Darkness is as light to him.

My darkness changes nothing.

My darkness changes everything.

He bleeds.

He weeps.

He sings.

He sings his story.

He sings his song.

He is the blessed assurance.

He is the presence that makes all become well with my soul.

I bleed.

I weep.

I am tormented.

I dwell in darkness.

He lives.

He is with me.

His presence my sustaining hope.

Even in darkness.

Even in brutal, soul searing darkness.

He is my story.

He is my song.

 

©NormanJGraham2016

 

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This entry was posted on July 20, 2016 by in Christian Musings, Uncategorized.
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